The final excerpt from the book, In The Beginning….again
When it gets into print I shall post more.
The Sea of Wome, a large inland body of fresh water occupying an area of about two hundred and forty thousand square kloms*, is situated one hundred and three and a half kloms, as the mutant crow flies, a few points southeast of the Royal Palace.
A stone’s throw from the north shore is Poop Island which is about three hundred kloms long and one hundred kloms wide, and at the island’s most westerly point is an extinct volcano, named ‘Old Blowhard.’
Two thousand meters above sea level inside the crater of the volcano is a mirror-flat lake. From here, three rivers tumble over cataracts that branch off into smaller tributaries which wend their way through the forest-covered slopes, eventually arriving at a waterfall that cascades two hundred metres into a natural depression known as Lake Flaccid. On its shores, lying in the shadow of Old Blowhard is Poopstown, an autonomous island community that is home to several hundred Troll families, and also the headquarters of Lif’s only religious organisation, the Catlicks.
Poop Woderwick XIX stood next to a stone bench in the Garden of Reflection feeding the multi-coloured fish that lived in the pond. Beside him sat his dog, Almighty Cheeses XIV, a Wholly Rotonviler.
Woderwick was not happy, and the cause of his unhappiness was Barblestown.
On the other side of Trolldom, on the banks of **Lake Galley–Lee, was Barblestown. Its citizens revered the Wholly Barble, the most abundant species of fish in the lake. The Wholly Barble was one reason Woderwick was beginning to hate the fish in his pond.
Almighty Cheeses sauntered over to the water’s edge and cocked his back leg.
‘Almighty Cheeses. You are a naughty boy!’ Woderwick scolded.
He believed the dog had picked up this disgusting habit from watching the rather crude stone statue that supposedly represented the First Dog. Woderwick conceded there was a vague resemblance, although the continual trickle of water splashing into the pond and the part of the statue it came from was, he felt, in bad taste.
Then a thought crossed his mind and he brightened a bit.
Smiling down at Cheeses, he said, ‘Ah, daddy’s sorry. You are a good boy. You pee on the fish!’
‘Woof, woof,’ the dog agreed.
All the trees and flowers were starting to show the first signs of spring. The air was crisp and above was nothing but wall-to-wall blue sky. Well, almost nothing …
A large pied crow ‘cawed’ then took off from the roof of the shed at the far side of the garden. Woderwick only noticed the raucous bird as it flew directly overhead and deposited a rather large ‘gift from Dog’ on the left sleeve of his bright orange morning coat.
‘Oh, pith,’ he mumbled, absently wiping the bird dropping with the blue blanket he had taken to carrying.
The morning really was quite beautiful, but for Woderwick, apart from the little joke with his dog, it was rotten.
* Klom: Unit of measurement that scientists continue to argue over even though their heads hurt. (Probably from hitting each over the head with a slide-rule)
Some believe it is the distance between the average Troll’s kneecap and his big toe. Whilst another group steadfastly holds on to the belief it is the distance from the top of Old Blowhard to Lake Flaccid.
This suggests there are no such things as absolutes and might also explain why scientists cannot agree if the Earth is 6000 years old or over a billion. Or why some believe there was a T-Rex on board the ark, and why others know for a fact this is impossible, as there is no mention of a pop group anywhere in that Other Book.
** Named after Troll fisherman Galley-Lee, who, legend claims, crossed from one side of the lake to the other by walking upon the water’s surface. It was later discovered that during the dry season, the water level can drop by as much as three metres revealing several rows of huge stones that cross the lake in at least four places.
In The Beginning….again ©2013 DSP