Home » writing » Size really does matter….ask the girls!

Size really does matter….ask the girls!

It’s said by those who understand such things that a writer must like his characters or at least identify with them in some fashion so as to give a greater feel of realism to the story.

I’m not sure how true this is or even if I’ve related this correctly. Anyway, I must say, I do like like the character, Isack. He is an undertaker (though please don’t read too much into that!) . A decent, down to earth sort of bloke that tries his best and wherever possible  he helps out others, and like all proper heroes , he gets the girl!

This is from The Nine Amendments; the third book in the Mining of Lif series.

* The Trois: Despotic church that rules the country of Judysear.

Enjoy. Hope it brings a smile.

Isack lay sprawled among the cushions in Nefer’s summer pavilion. The owner of the pavilion lay next to him, nestled against his bare chest under his left arm.

Isack had never been in love before. He had once asked his father what it was like. His father had described feelings such as butterflies in your stomach, going off your food and walking on cloud nine. What Isack remembered most about the conversation was the smile that spread across his father’s face.

Isack currently had a similar expression on his face.

A cool breeze wafted gently through the pavilion, causing the fine silk curtains to ripple; offering him fleeting glimpses of the Sceptre Sea through hooded eyelids.

Although not a religious man, he was aware of the phrase, died and gone to heaven. He was also aware of the other phrase about heaven on earth. And at that moment this was how he felt.

‘Why’s yours so big?’ The voice hit him like a bucket of cold water and had the same effect as when thrown over mating dogs. As with dogs, this effect is not instantaneous, so he was still very much in a state of  ‘soldierlyness’ as his right arm shot down to cover his private parts.

‘Uncle Moon’s isn’t as big as yours and neither is Samsong’s. And all the priests I’ve seen have small ones. So why’s yours so big, hey?’

The voice was next to his right ear. Isack didn’t dare open his eyes.

Nefer opened her left eye, peering at the mini-apparition over Isack’s chest.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ said Nefer in a sleepy voice.

‘Auntie Nef, how come his is so big and all the other men’s are so small?’

Nefer allowed herself a smile and looked up at Isack with naughty eyes.

‘Well, dear, Isack is special. Now run along with Samsong, there’s a good girl. We need to sleep some more.’

People in Sunniclimes are quite open about nudity but have a great respect for privacy. Especially an individual’s privacy.  Whereas in Judysear, the opposite is true.

The Trois take a very dim view of nudity. In fact, so dim there is a decree that any exposure of the human body between the neck and the knees will likely cause irreparable damage to a person’s eyesight.

(Renegade priest, Martini Loofa once noted that the church of the Trois was becoming cornea with every passing decree.)

Not that it mattered much, as the weather in Judysear did not encourage taking one’s clothes off.

The subject of sex is completely taboo. During the reign of Poop Poulit XIX, he decreed that Bye Bill’s instruction:  go forth and multiply, would henceforth refer to establishing a university of specialist mathematicians. Fortunately, the next revision, while by no means encouraging any form of sexual activity, at least acknowledged that procreation was necessary. In the dark. And, if possible, without touching or if not, with gloves on and preferably without removing any clothes.

‘You’re making babies, hey?’ said Prudence matter-of-factly.

Isack nearly squawked.  He couldn’t even cover himself as there were no sheets.

‘No, sweetie. No babies. Not yet, at least.’ Nefer pinched Isack’s left buttock. He let out a tiny squeak.

Isack heard the child sigh hugely and walk off. ‘s’not fair.’

Outside the pavilion a male voice entered the dialogue.

‘Come, kid. Let’s find that pet of yours, okay?’

Isack heard part of one more line of conversation that included the words “Isack” and “big nose”. Somewhere in the distance a goat bleated.

Copyright © Douglas Pearce 2013

The first book in the series is available…for free!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s