Home » Uncategorized » In the Pub- Naturally.

In the Pub- Naturally.



The_Coach_and_Horses_pub_sign,_16_New_Street_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1471733Down at the Coach and Horses, Wiggleswood’s Premier imbibing establishment, things are not in order at all; naturally!

“It’s the natural order of things, Alf. Women on top,” Bert said.
“S’what I told the missus,” Alf agreed. “I told her you said so, too.”
“So what’s the problem, then? Why so glum?” Bert asked.
Alf was sporting a bandage around his forehead and a nasty looking blue eye.
“The missus didn’t agree, she said it were the man who’re supposed to be on top.”
“But didn’t you tell her that if she was on top she’d be in control?”
“Yeah. I told her,” Alf said.
“And you mentioned it would mean you would have your hands free . . . for other stuff!” Bert said, winking.
“Oh, I told her, all right,” Alf said.
“And she didn’t seem even the least bit interested? Not for a moment?”
“Nope. Not at all,” Alf said shaking his head. “But she ended up on top though. I made her.”
“Ooh, made her. That could have been handled more diplomatically,” Bert said sounding concerned.
“Well, it’s a bit bloody late now, isn’t it? I mean, look at me!” Alf moaned.
“Yes, I was wondering what happened, but didn’t feel it my place to enquire after matters conjugal,” Bert sad.
“Conjugal? What the hell’s that when it’s home?” Alf said, looking perplexed. “This happened while the missus was on top of the ladder washing the windows. I pointed out a spot she’d missed. She bloody swore at me and while she was stretching she dropped the flaming bucket right on my bloody head! Next time I’ll clean the perishin’ windows me self and I’ll thank you, Bert to keep your expert opinions to yourself. And it’s your bloody round!”

Copyright©DSP 2010

12 thoughts on “In the Pub- Naturally.

  1. Whahahahaha! Clearly Bert thought Alf was talking about something else…just like I did in the beginning. Shame on you for making me think things like that. You did it on purpose! 😆

  2. 🙂 It always starts off as a light chuckle that gradually builds to outright laughter as the joke unfurls inside my head… maybe it’s because your tales are always set in the pub…

    • The pub, The Coach and Horses, features in the book Almost Dead in Suburbia.
      I honestly cannot remember how this series of posts began,Ish, they just started as ‘outtakes’ from the book and grew from there.
      Being from the ”Old Country”, you and I know there are characters like this in every small village pub.
      It doesn’t take much to picture the unfolding scene in one’s mind’s eye.

        • It is easier to write about things we have had at least a modicum of experience with. And what person growing up /living in England has not been inside a pub? 🙂
          There are two villages within a few miles from where I grew up in Chester that have pubs just like this.
          One village is called Dodleston – there’s a pub there called the Red Lion, I think? The other is Eccleston.
          You can Google them I’m sure.
          Maybe they have changed since I was there?

          • Ah yes, I used to be an extremely regular patron of pubs in my younger pre-children years, so most of my late teens and twenties were a hazy blur! I don’t really drink or frequent pubs much these days, so it gives me a nostalgic twinge when I read your tales 😉
            When I lived up in North London we had a Coach and Horses that we would visit especially on Boxing Day, which was always a riotous affair. Great little olde worlde country pub that was almost as old as the Ark! LOL

            I shall have to have a goggle at google maps and have a nose about Chester as I’ve never been… that I know of…

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