View From The Side’s Weekend Theme – Opening Lines

Opening Lines.

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From the South African political satire, Identity, Cry *Sies!

The almost familiar country of Sarfrica is about to get a new president. But there is a problem. A serious problem. He is  English and worse, a Manchester United supporter.

Oh, my god!

Identity. Cry Sies!

Chapter 1

In South Africa a stoep is the part of a house outside the front or back door; usually the front. The closest English equivalent would probably be verandah or porch.

The South African stoep generally conjures up mental images of a rustic, unhurried way of life. Rustic clothes, rustic furniture; a battered old rocking chair is always good, zebra grazing on the dusty horizon, tails swishing and ears twitching, ever alert for the  lion whose flattened body can just be made out by a pair of ears poking above the grass. Ah, Africa!

The above example is a genuine, honest to goodness description of a true stoep.

The tiled (imported) area fronting the almost palatial home, owned by the immaculately dressed (imported), albeit casual, individual sitting on designer furniture (imported), drinking a double scotch (Black and White, naturally) at ten o’clock on Saturday morning, using expletives that began with the sixth and nineteenth letter of the alphabet doesn’t quite have the same appeal.

This individual however, did not give an expletive that began with the sixth letter.

To him it was still a stoep. His stoep. He was a Son of Africa. The problem was he was not an African.

* Sies is an Afrikaans word meaning, for shame, bah! pooh!

It is generally used to denote disgust.

Okay, be honest. Did you count your ABC on your fingers? 🙂