Continuation from the previous post…..
So. In the beginning…again.
First, there was the word. Not the word, but rather another word.
The other word was “oops,” accompanied by a shrug and a sigh.
And then there was Lif…
For a long time, relative peace and quiet reigned.
Eventually, out of the post, post-primordial Jurassic-Park goo several new landmasses emerge, and all manner of life. Some of which could be considered Brand New.
On the largest landmass, a new species of sentient bi-ped evolved; a fur-covered Troll, weighing-in at over two hundred kilos and standing approximately two and a half metres.
Trolls were furry, somewhat warty, farty, porcine-faced, pointy-toothed, greenish – yellowish monsters, with sticky-out ears, bad breath and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all.
So much for their redeeming features.
There were still a few pockets of humanity. Trolls called them Humbeans and regarded them as little more than sport and food, and not always in that order.
Lif’s largest landmass is Trolldom and somewhere in Trolldom is where our story begins…sort of.
It was a rainy, Monday afternoon, about two-thirty.
Inside the Royal Palace, King Erik of Barblestown was catching up on his reading while his wife and sweetheart-for-life, Queen Fartsidious lounged on a heavily padded sofa munching fresh hedgehog fritters.
King Erik, standing at two metres ninety-seven and a bit and weighing nearly two hundred and sixty-three kilos was possibly the tallest, biggest Troll there ever was. His dark green fur, which had just been completely un-matted by Ooaah, the queen’s handmaiden, was all sleek and shiny. The eight nails on his hands filed and polished. So too the ten nails on his toes, which he wriggled into the shaggy rug beneath his feet.
It was ‘Afternoon off’ and Erik was dressed casual. Floor length woolly- mammoth gown, covering ‘shorty’ woolly-mammoth fur P.J’s. He had just discovered that his P.J.’s didn’t itch when he wore them ‘inside out,’ so he had made a mental note to wear them this way in future.
‘I am decidedly bored’ said his wife, sighing. She had also received similar treatment from Ooaah, and was attired in clothes that matched her husband’s.
Queen Fartsidious stood only two metres twenty and weighed one hundred and seventy five kilos on the dot. Petite and svelte next to her husband she was possibly the most beautiful thing in the whole room.
‘Hmm?’ Erik mumbled, not really paying attention.
‘I said I am bored’.
Propping herself up on one elbow, she leaned across her husband’s lap. With one eye focusing on her spouse, she opened her mouth then closed her lips gently around his large banana.
‘Hey!’ he yelled. ‘That’s my lunch. You know I’m trying to follow the doc’s orders and eat right and there you are nibbling away at my resolve. What about my heart condition’?
‘Heart condition, fart condition. What about my…condition? I’ve been without a banana for so long I’m seriously thinking about becoming a Slutt at…’
Erik frowned, giving her an odd, sideways look.
‘Oh, never mind,’ she moaned.
Pushing herself into a sitting position, she promptly squashed two fritters.
‘Ow!’ she squealed.
King Erik put down his book and sighed.
‘What now, for Dog’s sake?’
Queen Fartsidious rubbed her ample posterior and grinned mischievously.
‘Just what am I going to do with you, hey?’ said Erik.
‘Anything you like!’ she teased.
Erik made a playful grab for his wife, who promptly fell off the couch, squealing. Erik followed, sending the couch and his book flying. His banana fared worse, squashed to a pulp under the pair of them.
A sharp rap on the door spared Erik any possible heart strain and ensured all bananas remained soft.
‘Phooey!’ the queen said in disgust. What must a girl do to get any round here?’
Erik lumbered off the floor, righted the couch then quickly pulled his gown around his waist, taking a quick look to make sure the Royal Flagpole was not flying.
‘Come!’ he bellowed
‘Huh!’ the queen whined.
The king shot her a warning look.
‘See if I care,’ she retorted and stomped off to take a cold shower.
In the beginning… again. © DSP 2013